I think we have probably all been taken in by one of the phrases below at some point.
Flexible Hours
We expect you to come to work early and leave late. We will demand you answer calls/emails/ravens etc whether you are at work or not. Also, you better work weekends and/or anytime we deem.
Fast Paced Atmosphere
We don’t employ enough people so get used to working way too hard for not enough compensation.
Immediate Start Required
Our staff turnover is huge because we treat people terribly.
Competitive Wage
We will pay you minimum wage. Frankly, if it wasn’t illegal to pay you less, we would.
We treat staff like family
We expect you to do everything we say, without hesitation, for no extra compensation and not to complain.
Startup Culture
The company has no idea what it’s doing, so you better be able to figure it out on your own.
Challenging Role
It’s so bad here you will be weeping in your car within a week.
Ability to identify problems
We have no idea what we are doing, please fix everything for us, k, thanx, bye.
Unlimited Vacation Time
Hahaha, you really think you’ll get to use any of it? It will never be approved and you’ll be made to feel guilty for asking. How dare you not work yourself into an early grave for us?
Work Hard, Play Hard
You’ll work 60 hours a week. Upper management will do the playing hard part.
Highly Visible Role
Your manager will throw you under the bus, first chance they get.
Entry Level Role
You must have a PHD and 10 years experience. In return, we will give you minimum wage and no benefits whatsoever.
Ability to handle highly stressful environments
Expect to be burnt out in a few years and desperately in need of a therapist.
Looking for a rock-star appointment
We want you to gradually take on everyone else’s workload so we can sack them and save money.
Opportunities for Growth
You’ll either burn out through the workload or turn into a semi functioning alcoholic. But don’t worry, your boss will get a great bonus due to your efforts.
Named as best place to work 20xx
Our in house publication, that we own, voted us as great to work for.
Duties may vary
You’ll be told to do anything and if you complain, well, we all know what’ll happen then.
Free refreshments etc
It’s cheaper to give you something than to pay you what you’re worth.
No forced overtime
You’ll be guilted into working longer hours, but you sure won’t be paid for them.
Ability to Multitask
You will be doing multiple people’s jobs.
Committed to the Role
The last 8 people in this job quit within six months because we treat people badly.